Thursday, November 17, 2011

OH YEAH !! thats right I needed to...

Todays "thing to remember" is
"When you don't have time to relax. It's time to relax! "

I decided to do just that. SO, this morning I went for a hike
the weather couldn't have been more perfect, and the randomness of what we came across was just what the Dr ordered!

Then I stopped to have lunch with a long time friend. Hit the grocery store so tonight I could enjoy a home cooked meal. Finally I napped!
I forgot how much I LOVE an afternoon nap :)

It was nice to " see me" again. and I hope to see more days like today:)

Cheers to a good day! and hopefully to a equally good evening by seeing my man- I miss him too.

Monday, November 14, 2011

my hearts beating right ?

The " ANTSY itch " is back.

This time, Its in the form of I need to feel ALIVE! again. Ever since I got accepted into nursing school I lost a part of myself and I really miss her..I'm to serious. - School, expectations, goals, responsibilies, independence it takes its tole on spontaneousness and freedom. Frankly, it sucks CAREFREE-ness right out the door. I mostly feel like I'm simply going through the motions.

As this itch crept up on me so did the vivid memory of the first day of orientation when my instructors informed us this was our new life. that we wouldn't have a life for the next two years. I brushed it off at the time. I sailed through block one. thought I could do it all in block 2. ( job, independence, school, a bf) and got a rude awakening. Reprioritized the second go round. Now (with a smile on my face ) I Am currently in the home stretch of block 3 ! realizing they were right. Sure I've kept a sembalence of a life but it ... falls short enough that my natural nature isnt there...

DO NOT GET ME WRONG> I love nursing school. My dream is so close to a reality- its surreal already. Hell I'm excited to ENJOY my job again. I'm ecstatic to graduate. But even more so to have my life back! I'm ready to REALLY LIVE AGAIN! Europe here I come. Mission trip I've had to post pone over and over ill be checking you off my bucket list. - finger crossed land a good job = health insurance!!! = BOAT! day drinking, happy hours on week days, a halloween bash.... maybe a sport or instrument or language...

What's my point? Tri- fold
1. I can't sleep.. I thought maybe if I embraced this feeling.. accepted it- it would move on. :) I could shake the I feel No fun mood.. Until then Ill simply try to keep my emotions in check and my feet on the ground while my heads in the clouds .
2 To apologize to all of those who are on the receiving end of my grouchy and overly sensitive , nostalgic less then charming personality that I have when this feeling takes up residence. Then to Thank those that understand where this mood and need for validations comes from. The Support.

3Anyone who wants to make it a personal goal or offer suggestions on how to feel ALIVE on a time schedule and a budget ! I'm open to ideas!

179 days till graduation!
but whose counting ;)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

TO dream


I think it's safe to say that a majority of people don't wonder if their dreams meant anything, maybe they don't even remember their dreams at all. I am not one of these people I find dreams a refugee when I'm annoyed, pleasure when free and answers when lost. My dreams are always vivid.

Last night the main part of my dream I was lost in this public pool/mall with the 9 year old boy I was taking care of. He was upset his mother once again wasnt around and ran off down a hall. he shoved open these huge doors and on the other side was the tank with a whale ( Sea world style - but a cooler temperature, new, smell salt water and calming like the middle of the ocean) he immediatly jumped in and started swimming and throwing a ball for the whale to hit with his nose or tail. i stood still frozen at first ,freaked out, and then in awe and his lack of fear and the peacful feeling that over took the previous frustration, sadness and anger. Eventually I pulled him out as someone was coming to run us out. we ended up outside in the most beautiful green grass I've seen. His mom was there waiting but it took what felt like forever for the boy to go give her a hug. Suddenly Im walking away with my brother through a hotel/ mall like building. the elevator took us all the way up. and then i had to walk down a flight of stairs to get out. My brother said what he would usually say real life " what was the point of going all the way up to walk down a flight" - i replied I was lost. but there the exit .- just like that the dream was over.

Naturally I looked it up

To see a whale in your dream represents your intuition and awareness. You are in tuned with your sense of spirituality. Alternatively, a whale symbolizes a relationship or business project that may be too big to handle. You are feeling overwhelmed. The dream may also be a pun on "wailing" and a desire to cry out about something.

green grass in your dream suggests that there is a part of yourself that you can always rely on. The dream is also symbolic of natural protection.


to see calm, clear water in your dream means that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation.

that one hits home the most because of the prayer i said last night. .

I've always loved dreams.

There are so many theories about dreams ..

we all know Fraudes

However, I tend to agree more with these to theoriest .

Alfred Adler

Alfred Adler (1870 -1937) believes that dreams are an important tool to mastering control over your waking lives. They are problem-solving devicesAdler's views on dreams are that they are an open pathway toward your true thoughts, emotions and actions.

Carl Jung

Like his mentor Sigmund Freud, also believes in the existence of the unconscious. However, he see the unconcious as more spiritual. According to Jung, dreams are a way of communicating and acquainting yourself with the unconscious.

I t fun to look them up and see if anything connects. TO test the theory of these two. Try it. -


Tuesday, September 20, 2011


Before you say it I know its not Wednesday but I'm EXHAUSTED come Wednesday night so it may not BE Wednesday but its a post about my Wednesdays :)

so why wow God Wednesday ?
( besides that its catchy )
I have clinical in the OB department on Wednesdays this semester . I'll be honest I was not looking forward to this rotation. 12 hour days starting at 530 and no Starbucks in the lobby like st Josephs.
The first week I was lucky enough to get my first surgery experience, a C- section! I was stoked! It was incredible!
I say incredible in that : it didn't bleed as much as I was expecting. my doctor ( yep my - ironically enough when the doctor walked in i knew he looked familiar - took me about 10 min to place him... my doc - lol ) was a sight to see on how fast and precise he was with the blade and then stitches. - seeing the layers it took to get to the baby and then him reach in to bring the baby into the world was something out of a sci fi movie!
I witnessed a miracle. that little baby is one in itself but after witnessing the c section which is GRUESOME! its a miracle how the body heals itself.

fast forward to the next Wednesday .

I was on labor and delivery this week. again not to excited , my only experience there before was so boring because its one pt and it can take being in labor ALL day before the baby is born. When its the beginning of labor it is a lot of monitoring, letting mom sleep...
Once again I was WRONG!
I was assigned two of the best nurses I have ever come across. Ironically enough ( again) my nurse had been to Tonga. ( I have a culture report due on there in two weeks and its where v family from) So i spent the morning listening to her talk about her mission trips ( which re inspired me to make mine happen) and then our pt. The cutest family I've encountered in my hospital career yet went into active labor! by mid afternoon I had help assist a beautiful girl into the world. - there are no words for how awesome it is.

I've now witnessed 3 births and everyone of them was equally amazing. If you stop and think about how that little life grows inside.. and then how in heavens name it is able to come into the world the way that it does... and all the things that could go wrong ... it really is a miracle.

Last story is this one :
We had to watch it for class. ( I think to really drive it home the importance of medication checks and how fragile life is.) - its not the video we watched.. we watched one of his seminars he had at the hospital but
this man .... these last two weeks.. I stand in awe.


Only one way to appreciate the miracles in life -
know where they come from .


Sunday, August 28, 2011

God rest his soul

I know Autumn through my brother Jon- . I don't know her personally very well... BUT
she is the type of person you admire from the first time you meet her . She has a light inside of her so I was not surpised when I heard all the wonderful things said about her husband, that he has a light in him as well
Two GOOD people found each other.
Now thats a love story!

check out this link

watch this video and you can get an idea of just what I mean

they may have been dealt a bad hand. And its always a wonder as to why the good people get dealt those hands but...
as her best friend would say " play the hand your dealt like aces! "- matty G"

if you find it in our hearts to donate... donations can be made to to the family by check through the Tempe Police Foundation (Tax ID No. 26-3670930), P.O. Box 27661 Tempe, AZ 85285.
"Tim Barber" should be written on the memo line.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

ITs Tuesday

Things I'm LOVING Tuesday

1. my new yellow sweater my man got me - so soft!!
2. its salmon and fried potatoes night at my parents
3. i can officially call Lauren my roomie!
4. I got my BLUE dot today !
( in nursing school you have a colored dot on your ID so that everyone can easily identify what block you are in which in turn clues them in to your skills- block three = blue )
5 one my dearest friends just got published in a craft magazine.
I'm so proud and excited for her!