Monday, November 14, 2011

my hearts beating right ?

The " ANTSY itch " is back.

This time, Its in the form of I need to feel ALIVE! again. Ever since I got accepted into nursing school I lost a part of myself and I really miss her..I'm to serious. - School, expectations, goals, responsibilies, independence it takes its tole on spontaneousness and freedom. Frankly, it sucks CAREFREE-ness right out the door. I mostly feel like I'm simply going through the motions.

As this itch crept up on me so did the vivid memory of the first day of orientation when my instructors informed us this was our new life. that we wouldn't have a life for the next two years. I brushed it off at the time. I sailed through block one. thought I could do it all in block 2. ( job, independence, school, a bf) and got a rude awakening. Reprioritized the second go round. Now (with a smile on my face ) I Am currently in the home stretch of block 3 ! realizing they were right. Sure I've kept a sembalence of a life but it ... falls short enough that my natural nature isnt there...

DO NOT GET ME WRONG> I love nursing school. My dream is so close to a reality- its surreal already. Hell I'm excited to ENJOY my job again. I'm ecstatic to graduate. But even more so to have my life back! I'm ready to REALLY LIVE AGAIN! Europe here I come. Mission trip I've had to post pone over and over ill be checking you off my bucket list. - finger crossed land a good job = health insurance!!! = BOAT! day drinking, happy hours on week days, a halloween bash.... maybe a sport or instrument or language...

What's my point? Tri- fold
1. I can't sleep.. I thought maybe if I embraced this feeling.. accepted it- it would move on. :) I could shake the I feel No fun mood.. Until then Ill simply try to keep my emotions in check and my feet on the ground while my heads in the clouds .
2 To apologize to all of those who are on the receiving end of my grouchy and overly sensitive , nostalgic less then charming personality that I have when this feeling takes up residence. Then to Thank those that understand where this mood and need for validations comes from. The Support.

3Anyone who wants to make it a personal goal or offer suggestions on how to feel ALIVE on a time schedule and a budget ! I'm open to ideas!

179 days till graduation!
but whose counting ;)

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