Saturday, March 27, 2010

The enternal scrapbook of an entire life fades...

I don't believe in coincidence...

I don't really know where to start on this blog.... I'm not entirely sure how I feel. I didn't cry at first. My family hasn't mentioned it much- only enough to acknowledge that they are aware its happening. But, I feel like not talking about it somehow portrays I don't care and yet I can't get myself to discuss it with anyone so here I am.

I hopped on the computer yesterday after work to browse FB for a moment and chill out. Listen to some music and get control of my anger when I noticed the window open was on dementia. ( internal thought went something like this ) "Weird, I didn't open that page I haven't started studying yet. Why is someone else interested in dementia... "
a little bit later I went to have dinner with my parents and there was the online page printed and sitting by my dads seat.
NO . no.

" she ( my grandmother - the one referred to in a previous blog about running in the rain) was diagnosed with vascular dementia."

that was it- all that's really been said.

- so why did I state I don't believe in coincidence...
well the last two lectures for school have been on phyc. patients. and dementia was a topic two Mondays ago. Then, this past Monday we watched a 1 or so video on dementia. It was a lady for Texas who was on the mission to make people better aware of whats happening with this disease to hopefully teach them more patients.
her favorite phrase " who has the big brain" - whenever someone started to loose their patience

you would never ask a patient with lung cancer to run for you. because that disease takes of the lungs and they don't function as they should so why then
do you ask a patient who brain is shrinking. whose disease attacks everything center of the brain that controls everything we know to stop asking so many questions. why do we get frustrated with those whose brains have a disease they have no control over to ' work with me'- try to remember. " stay there! "

the video hit home on Monday. little did i know it would have an even bigger impact come Friday.
My entire family is guilty of loosing patience with my grandmother. I'll be honest. my grandmother is one of the most difficult people you could encounter - always has been. but i have a million good memories with her. She has so many Cork's that drive you crazy but make you love her too.

she had 11 brothers and sisters - was a total daddy;s girl. I could recap her childhood Ive heard the stories so many times. She's an amazing story teller. She loves red. hates cats. walks bare foot any chance she gets.Used to embarrass the crap out of me when we would go on walks and she would be a peeping tom as we walked by loving to look at how people decorated their house. - she said if they left the blinds wide open they wanted you to see their home. she has an obsession with trees like I do with the sky. And i think she is the only person who watched Guiding Light for its 40 + years it was on. she makes killer fried salmon and uses phrases like " ill be darn" and " for heavens sakes."

so ... " I be darn" I learned about vascular dementia just in time to know I'm loosing my grandma before she's literally gone. That I think is the hardest part about it. Its a long goodbye.


  1. Gain as much as you can from her and write it down. How I miss my grandma and wished I had asked her the questions of motherhood and marriage. I'm so sorry KD I love you!

  2. Heather has a wonderful point - write down all the wonderful moments you share together. It will be such a special gift for yourself. I'm thinking of you and I love you.

  3. I'm so sorry Kristin. I like Heather's point as well. When I knew my grandma didn't have much time left I sat down with her and asked her EVERYTHING and wrote it all down. I still have "grandma's advice on life" and I look at it all the time. Just tell her now how much you love her. Even though I'm sure she knows and deep down will always know. I love you too. Here for you.

  4. I'll try that. we see how much she can do. I love all of you very much.