Wednesday, July 27, 2011

from my lips to Gods ears - he answered my prayer!

I booked the appointment.. Friday 8 am. Dobson and chandler blvd. - I bought a Hurst study guide and spent the week AWOL. studying , working and a couple trips to the gym for sanity sake.

16 chapters on how to break down these style questions and quick chapter of charts you need to know
1008 practice questions.
1 afternoon of studying nothing but drugs.

the big day was here. I had slept surprisingly well and I walked around getting ready in an eery calm. where was the nerves I was for sure would over power me..
maybe it was all the prayers... or my blessing of a boyfriend had picked me up snacks, a water and my favorite little chocolate squares to have for the big day- so my lunch was packed.
i did just what the study guide told me. I ate. I dressed in layer/in something I felt good in. and I played the music that calms me on the way there.
I arrived after panicking for 15 min trying to find the building... that was the one step I skipped ,a practice drive there... bad move. - there is the nerves I had expected from the get go.
it took half an hour to check in. I swear it took longer and they required more prints ( even a palm print) then you would have to wait or go through to get into a federal prison. -
AHH here's where the nerves kick in. they walk you to the room that's locked with one big window where the worker will sit and watch. plus you are video taped and audio recorded.


they take you into the room one by one. Each person in escorted and the computer is then unlocked. you go through a quick tutorial of all type of questions you can receive then you have to agree to all the terms and you begin...
3 and 1/2 hours later. at the minimum questions my computer shuts off. - DEEP BREATH...
raise my hand to be escorted out... and that's when the worrying sets in .
I started remembering all the questions I surely missed. I mentioned to a few that I had never heard of half the information on the exam and I swore everything i studied hadn't even been on the exam...
they warn you you will go through a variety of emotions today. despair. bitter and angry zombie like - and most will be resentful when people reply " I'm sure you did fine"

Its amazing the study guide I used was dead on with that. I made myself re read the " you will always feel like you were asked more questions in the areas where you feel you have a weakness.
I went home a looked up all the questions i could remember.. a good portion of those i got wrong. :(
I went to work in a zombie like state. increasingly becoming angry the closer to getting off I became. - and then I completely believed I was going to have to find a way to pay for that dang test again. - and i accepted that and put the exam out of my mind.

I'm thankful I worked all weekend to stay occupied . we went to a co workers concert. had some drinks and a night out . enjoyed really good pizza on Saturday for a birthday and was completely drained on Sunday from work.
Monday- I would like to say I finally slept in but that is a lie. I was up by 715. ready to call the quick results line... WHAT! you have to call from a land line..CRAP!
I cleaned my ENTIRE house. went through everything " this is easier to do now then when I'm moving. and school started. " was my thought apparently I was still more anxious then I realized.
1550 p.m I went to my parents with V to pick up the truck from my dad so we could move his stuff to my place. I called... Had to be the longest 2 min of mine life as it processed my information and it runs through the recording of this is not your official results you can not practice medicine based on this... and finally
the recording kept going but that's all I heard. . . I wanted to call again to be sure I heard correctly.. but it charges you 10 dollars every time so instead I ran and got hugs and took a HUGE sigh of relief... LPN.... I'm actually in a job that I am going to school for... I am deemed qualified by the state.. despite that most the time I feel like I have NO idea what I'm doing. .
.... all the work paid off. . deep breath..

We moved V then he treated me to a Chinese dinner. to celebrate! yum... crab puffs and cold egg rolls. - its still a little surreal ...

So here is to all of you that understand when I go AWOL. who are my constant positive energies and support! I'm blessed you say prayers along with me and fill my need of words of affirmation.
and a BIG THANK YOU to my boyfriend who has been beyond supportive and understanding when my emotions and nerves get the best of me.
" babe it will be fine" I've come to depend on the simple little phrase, He says it with such... absolute faith.

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