Here is the thing about apologies. The delivery of an apologies is both an art and a science. Art meaning the manner in which an apology is delivered and the science being the apology itself. Done right, an apology can enhance.Done wrong and they compound the original mistake.
To be completely honest I feel like apologies aren't needed but perhaps that's because they are often delivered with no sincerity. At least in my experiences. In the last couple days I've received 3 apologies from three different people and One conversation which i'm thinking was meant to start off well and was executed poorly. So why did the 3 apologies and one conversation spark this post ? I thought perhaps blogging will get me back to the 'over it'.
well... and to be PERFECTLY honest. I figured I should make a confession aswell. in case you haven't figured out the hard way this is me...
On the PLUS SIDE : It take A LOT. i mean serious hurt feelings. complete disrespect. the same action repeated that already had a 'talk' about. to put you on my SHIT list.
DOWN SIDE : once you are there its just as hard to get off.
THAT SAID -
i believe in forgiveness. I forgive sometimes quickly other times with effort but I FORGIVE. -
but I've struggled for years to separate forgiveness from trust. - and that i still have trouble with.
Anyway...
here's the key ingredients of a perfect apology/ "talk" ... at least for me
forget being defensive ! the min you get defensive it throws any sincerity out the window and you wind up in a worse of place then you started. An apology is all about THEM, (the one who is upset) and how they feel. It doesn't matter if the actions were intentional or not, the end result is the same and that is what needs to be focused on
acknowledges the error
takes ownership of the mistaken choices made—
Don't simply apologize because well i know she's mad/irritated so it'll fix that
MEAN them when you state them.
Silence isn't always a bad thing. Typically If im silent Im fuming. your avoiding being ripped apart and ill ' understand' why you did what you did in my own time. then ill get over it.
# 1 : Don't ruin an apology with an excuse
"A stiff apology is a second insult.... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt."
Gilbert Keith Chesterton
That's a great post.
ReplyDeleteI want someone to apologize to me so I have something to write on my blog... haha.
Those are really wise hints on how to deliver a proper apology. It's so true that when it's about the wrong-doer absolving themselves of the guilt/remorse, the impact of the apology is completely lost.
love that don't ruin an apology with an excuse. I'm realllly bad at that but working on it. I like the post but sorry you had to write it in the first place. I think you can only take so much and if that person isn't planning on changing its bye bye. not worth the constant drama. love you. hope to never be on your bad list. scary!
ReplyDelete